


Help Me

by Panther (PantherTheRogue)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Cannibalism, Fluff for a minute at least, Humanstuck, I hate tagging things character death, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mild Gore, Sadstuck, Self-Cannibalism, Torture, it just gives everything away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 10:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2265543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PantherTheRogue/pseuds/Panther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened to Tavros? Where is he? You cant help but worry. It's only been a few hours... Maybe he got caught up at work? Or maybe something worse has happened...? Either way, you need to find out soon, or you'll go mental...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waiting For You

**Author's Note:**

> Rated T for fucked up shit

_You got the letter as you were pacing through the living room. Your boyfriend hadn’t come home yet. He was supposed to be home hours ago. You were terrified. Hysterical. It wasn’t like him to be late. Where was he where was he where was he? You whip your head around as you hear a knock on the door. You open the door frantically, ready to wrap your lover into your arms. You’re not greeted with his warm smile and beautiful face, but instead, a letter at your doorstep._

__

_-wait two weeks-_

__

_it said in newspaper cutouts. You’re taken aback, terrified at the ominous letter. You collapse on the floor, shaking, hiccups beginning to form sobs. You knew who this letter was from. Your dad is a gang leader and drug lord. You, of course, were second in line of inheriting the gang. They went for you and Kurloz before, but your dad always intervened. But they’ve found you and your weakness. Tavros Nitram was the only thing in the world that kept you sane anymore. You couldn’t wait two weeks. That was too much. You would go insane before then._

__

You run down the corridors, the bloodstained walls seemingly going on forever. You had multiple gun shot wounds. You had to get to Tavros no matter what it took. He was in pain, being tortured for something he wasn’t even involved with. You couldn’t let them hurt the only good thing in your miserable life.

_After the first week rolled by, you were miserable. You cried every night, unable to sleep. You wanted your Tavvy there to hold you and cuddle you and love you forever.You were on the couch, lying down and watching the tears fall down your face. You hear another knock at the door, but you don’t get up. You close your eyes and sob deeper. You’ve been getting a bunch of letters over this week, but you haven’t had the energy to go get them. You finally get up to look at all the letters. There were several packages there as well. You dump them into the house and begin going through them. There were several letters taunting you, but you didn’t really care about that._

_You open the first package and drop the package immediately. It was a finger. His finger. You cover your mouth with your hands and uncontrollably sob, only able to imagine what kind of shit they were doing to him._

__

Your breathing is heavy, but you have to find him. He was in one of these cells, you knew it. You’ve killed your pursuers by now. They heavily underestimated you. They thought you could be taken down with just a few men, but they made a grave mistake; They took Tavros fucking Nitram from you.

_You get another package the next day. It has a CD in it and you put it in your computer. You knew how these went. You were unable to fast forward and at the end of the video it would tell you the location of where they were. Your dad had to do this for one of his lovers at the time, and he forbade you from watching it while he was in the room. You didn’t know what was in store for you, but you were sure it was bad, cuz your dad was crying afterwards. Grant Makara never cries._

_You were correct._

__

_There were several men in the frame, and in the middle on the room, strapped to a stone table, was Tavros. You try to remain strong. That is, until they begin the torture. You were unable to look away as they began waterboarding your lover. They put the cloth to his face and dumped freezing cold water on the rag, stimulating drowning. After about 40 seconds, they let him take a few breaths. He took deep, coughing, ragged breaths, but was only able to get in about three quick ones before they started up again. He squirmed and struggled, trying to escape. They did it a few more times before Tavros broke down and began sobbing. They let him have one less breath that time before doing it for about a minute that time. You could only watch your boyfriend basically drown. Tears filled your eyes and tears begin spilling onto the laptop. The video cut a few more times, showing other various methods of torture, including rape, beating him unconscious, and more drowning scenarios. You had to cover your eyes during some parts, taking out your earbuds and sobbing deeply._

__

You take out another pistol, the other already out of bullets. You didn’t bother to reload since you were in the middle of a shoot-out. You managed to escape that kerfuffle with limited bullets in you. Bad guys don’t always miss, you know.

You finally get into a more heavily secured section of prisoners. Fortunately, most of the security was already dealt with by you.

You look through the cells. There were endless cells, all of them containing at least one prisoner, if not more. Some were even eating other prisoners alive. You shudder to think that one of those people were Tavros.

Something catches your eye with one of the prisoners; He was soaking wet with tape over his mouth, his hands chained behind his back. He had Tav’s skin tone, his round face, his cute little mohawk… That was your Tav.

It takes a few minutes, but eventually you’re able to kick in the door and run to him, ripping the tape off and kissing him immediately. You stroke his hair, tilting your head into the kiss, not even concerned about your surroundings. You suddenly feel a sharp pain in your lip and you pull away, shocked.

“... Don’t… Don’t f-fucking touch me…” Tavros manages to stutter out. He had a blindfold on as you failed to notice before. You stroke his face and gently untie the cloth around his eyes.

“Shhh… ‘S aight babe… I’m here for ya now, aight…?” You whisper, holding his paler-than-normal cheeks lightly. His eyes squint in order to focus, but when they begin working again, they widened considerably.  
“... Gamzee…?” he whispers in a forced voice. His eyes fill with tears instantly and you hold him close, stroking his hair, allowing him to cry into your shoulder. He burrowed his face into you and he sobbed like you’ve never heard him sob before. You kiss the shaven-down fuzz of his mohawk, holding your lips there for a few seconds, before doing the same thing to his entire face.

“Oh god Tav, I was so motherfuckin’ worried… Thank the messias, thank god, thank whoever the fuck wants to be all up and controllin’ us for keepin you alive… Tavvy, my sweet Tavros…” you murmur sweet nothings into his skin for what seems like hours before reaching behind him and fiddling with the chains around his hands. In about 15 minutes, they come undone and he shakily reaches for your neck and cries into you again. You hold him like his life depended on it, unaware of the man lurking behind you.

Tavros glances up and tenses considerably when he sees this. You look at his face and turn around just in time for everything to go cold and dark. You hear a familiar voice sob out your name as you fade away, quickly and silently.

 


	2. I'm Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's happened after Gamzee's died? Tavros' perspective on some fucked up shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k84QxVJd0tI&list=PLXNoIF2jG9U3_j7ZED_1RWB9VqnpGA9nx&index=1
> 
> Listened to that the entire time I wrote this.

_You looked down at your lover, his eyes glazed over, blood all over the walls, floor, and yourself. You cried out his name and collapsed onto his body, holding him tight and sobbing uncontrollably. He was gone. He came here for you, and now he was dead.You cry into his neck, whispering “Gamzee” over and over again. He couldn’t leave you like this. He died because of you. The guilt built up in your throat and you sat up so you wouldn’t puke all over his dead body. His blood was all over you, his brains spattered across the side of your head and the back of the wall where you two were previously. Your thoughts wouldn’t stay in order, they were out of control, thinking about Gamzee’s blood to the guy who killed him to who the fuck knows what._

_The man walked up to you, slowly and uncaringly. He didn’t feel any guilt whatsoever about killing Gamzee. You had gone back to crouching over the body, crying into the hole in his head. You manage to shakily tilt your head to look at his murderer._   
  
_This was no man at all. This was a woman. A woman with short blonde hair and a long face with a slender body and wore a white dress. She was pale white and she looked at you with cold eyes._

__

_“I have no personal quarrel with you. However, Mr. Makara was a dangerous man. I’m sorry, but I can’t let you leave here. I don’t need you reporting this to the police. I will be sending guards to collect you, please do not struggle. We have some tests we would like to run with you.”_

__

_You stare at her as you watch her go. You held Gamzee’s body protectively as you heard more footsteps. Three men came into the cell and hoisted you up.You screamed and sobbed and begged for them to let you go, to stay with Gamzee, to let you rot and die in that cell with him, but soon you were brought to a different room that was completely white. You’ve heard of this kind of torture. You go insane from the lack of contact with anything. You didn’t think that it worked, so you decided this wouldn’t be too bad if it weren’t for the fact that Gamzee was dead._

Your name is…. Tavros…? Tavros, you think… Yeah, it’s Tavros. You don’t know the day, month, or year. You’ve been locked up far too long. Even when you’re not being tortured and tested on, you’re tortured by your own thoughts. You hear his voice, his beautiful voice, whispering sweet nothings to you, but you know he’s not there. You see him crouching in front of you, reaching out a hand, desperately trying to escape with you. You never took the hand. It’s not there. You can’t even look at the hallucination anymore without wasting all the liquid left in your system on crying.

You’ve just come back from a test that included dehydrating your entire body. You were so thirsty… You’re lying on your side, curled up in a little ball. You’re in constant pain and you’ve learned to accept it. This was your life now. Your only purpose was to amuse others. You’ve starved and bled, been pushed and pulled, hated and abused, spat on and humiliated, kicked, punished, fucked… Everything was shitty in your life. You look at your hands. They were bony and skinny, along with the rest of your body. They had marks from whips and burns on your wrists from ropes. Tears leak out of your eyes without your consent. You’re so tired… You want to sleep so badly… And you’re so hungry…

You’ve resorted to self-cannibalism. Your arms were missing chunks of skin from where you’ve eaten yourself. You’ve tried drinking your own blood, too, but that doesn’t exactly help. You look up as a guard slips a dog-bowl with dirty water through the flap in your cell. You drag yourself to it and begin drinking, shivering deeply.

This was your life. Every week, they would give you water. No food. You were lucky if you had a cell-mate, because you could eat them instead of yourself. You weren’t so lucky, however. You were special because you’ve endured so much. The woman from so long ago had a special interest in you, and so did her daughter. They liked to watch you through the window as you ate yourself alive. You weren’t able to look at them. You couldn’t look at the guards, or yourself in the reflection of the water.

You finish the water and begin with your arms once again, gnawing at what little flesh hung off your bones. Tears stung your eyes and you cried out as you managed to pull off a chunk of yourself. You shivered and hiccuped as you ate. You never thought your life would be like this. You thought you would live life with Gamzee, have children, spend christmas with your father and your brother and the kids… But now, you couldn’t even remember your own brother’s name. You only remember Gamzee and Tavros. You got the names confused sometimes, thinking you were Gamzee and he was Tavros. But then you remember the day he died, hearing yourself sob his name over and over again. That was when the hallucinations started.

_You hit the wall with a thud as guards pushed you down. They locked the door behind them as they walked out, which blended in with the entire room. It looked like there was no way in. In what seemed to be hours, you heard screams. You were falling asleep at that point, but you jerked awake and looked around quickly. They sounded like… Gamzee…_

__

_You jump up and look around the whole room for him. You sit down shakily when you don’t see him. You hunch over and hug your knees to your chest, closing your eyes._

__

_“TaAaAaV…” the voice was right in your ear. You whip your head in the direction of his voice, shivering when you don’t see him._

__

_“It’s just your brain messing with you, Tav. Don’t let this get to you, You’re stronger than them. You won’t be broken.” You think to yourself. Talking seemed taboo at the moment, so you didn’t actually say it. Thats when you saw him from the corner of your eye. You looked over to him and he didn’t disappear this time. He was glaring at you. His pupils were completely white, and there was a hole through his head, splattered with his own brains and blood. You gasp and reach towards him. He disappears and reappears on your other side._   
  
_“Tav… Why’dya let me die…?”_

_You’re taken back by the accusation. “I… I didn’t…”_

_“You killed me. You killed me, Tavros. You motherfucking KILLED ME!”_

_He disappeared again, then three of them appeared on both your sides and right in front of you._

_“Why did you KILL ME TAVROS?” he kept repeating. You covered your ears and screamed loudly._

_“I’M SORRY!!!” you repeated over and over again. You claw at your own face as the voices get louder and angrier._

__****  
  


_This went on for days. You listened to them accuse and tell you what a horrible person you were and that you deserve to die._

__

_And they were right._

__

_They’d convinced you that you killed him. You killed Gamzee Makara. You killed the only person who cared about you._

__

_And you deserved death._

__

_They came back for you. Your face was pouring blood, your fingernails caked with said blood. You sobbed uncontrollably and looked at the woman as she approached._

__

_“You killed him. But it’s okay. You’ll be punished accordingly.”_

__

You hear a whisper in your ear. You had just eaten your own meat. They watched. You were curled up and bleeding considerably.

“Tavros…” said the sweet voice. It wasn’t an accusing tone this time, telling you that you deserved this all. It was light and warm. You open your eyes, and see the purple eyes of Gamzee Makara, his hand extended to grasp yours. “Tav… Come on… Let’s get outta here…”

“No…” you rasped, finding it hard to breathe. “I… Killed you…”

“Tav, ya gotta come with me, please…” he whispers in a desperate tone. “You ain’t gunna be happy ‘till ya do… You gunna all up and rot in here… You not acceptin’ me is just keepin ya here baby… Please, come with me…”

“G… Gamzee… I d-deserve… This…”

“Tav, please… Please… You ain’t got no business here no more… I don’t want you sufferin’ no more…”

It was obvious he wasn’t gunna listen to you. He was only a hallucination. What was the harm of taking his hand…? More disappointment? It didn’t matter. You close your eyes for a few minutes, debating.

“Tav… Come on… Take my motherfuckin’ hand…”

You look at the hallucination. This one didn’t have the bullet hole or the white eyes. But what was the difference? A hallucination is a hallucination.

You reach out your hand, closing your eyes, waiting for him to disappear once the hands touch. As soon as they do, you feel cold. Too cold to be real. You open your eyes and he looks solid. You blink and look into his eyes. He was smiling, and nothing hurt anymore.

“...Gamzee?” It didn’t hurt to speak. It didn’t hurt to move your hand. Your finger was attached once again. Your arm was whole. You sit up with surprising energy. He smiles even more as you begin to understand. You quickly stare at his face, alarmed.

“Is it… Over…?

“Yeah… It’s motherfuckin over…” he whispers, pulling you close and holding you. You hug him back, shaking and sobbing all over again. This was just like before, but there was nobody to take him away from you this time. You were free.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
“Mrs. Lalonde, another prisoner has been found dead.”

“Oh? Which one?” you inquiry, not all that interested. You were working on a scarf for your darling Rose.

“... Tavros Nitram.”  
  
You stop what you’re doing and look him in the eyes. After what seems like an eternity for him, you look down at your needles again and start up the scarf again.

“Ah. What a shame. He was a fine one. Lived for at least six more years after we first caught him. He would always talk to himself… Poor soul. Oh well, bring in Egbert. His father so generously donated him to me and I haven’t even given him the courtesy of using him yet.”

After the guard left, you go to his cell and see his skinny body completely torn. His arm was bleeding terribly still, and his eyes were closed.

You sigh and wander the halls, the screams of men, children, and women alike soothing your nerves.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely nothing against Lalonde's. I just feel like they'd be running this shit <33

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys, I haven't written sadstuck yet and I decided I needed to.


End file.
